


Lovely

by BloodMoonWitch



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Smut, There’s smut now, comfort and kisses, it still hurts a little but it’s all good now, just lots of comfort, small amounts of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:30:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodMoonWitch/pseuds/BloodMoonWitch
Summary: Has this been done before? Yes of course.Do I care?Fuck no.AKA: Muriel tries to push the apprentice out and we aint gonna have nonna that shit today





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I just really wanted this to happen like some feral need in my soul had to see this through
> 
> The original title for this was literally "He Mad Oh Shit" so yea dont trust me to name anything
> 
> I’m also not quite happy with the rushed ending so I’ll come back and fix that later

Why did I feel so cold? 

I was inside Muriel’s hut, sitting right by a roaring fire, but there was a chilling ache in my bones that I couldn’t shake.

He wouldn’t look at me. Didn’t even answer me when I asked if he wanted me to make dinner. He had been like this the whole walk home, but now there was nowhere to go. He just sat on his bed, barely moving except to occasionally clench and unclench his fists, his head hanging low and his elbows rested on his knees. Every muscle tense, as if ready for a fight. 

We’d passed by the Colosseum today. 

Muriel had been getting better too. Letting me take him out on dates in the city, not being so anxious as we walked around town. He even let a beautiful, relaxed smile slip here or there. 

But it was unavoidable. We couldn’t not pass right in front of it on our walk home, gods know I had tried. 

His hand had fallen from mine, and I still haven’t quite recovered from how my heart dropped in that moment. 

“Muriel?” I called out to him, but my throat was too dry, and it came out as barely a whisper. But I know he heard it. His head twitched a little as if on instinct, but he was quick to shift back into his hunched over position on the bed. 

I hated how I was terrified to get up and walk over to him, but I had no idea how he would react. I never wanted to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable. 

“Please . . .” I weakly begged for something, some sign that he was still here with me. I could barely see past the veil of hair that he let fall in front of his face, but I could see how his eyes squeezed shut and teeth gritted together as he tried to compose himself.

”You shouldn’t be here.” His words startled me more than they should have, mostly because he didn’t sound like himself. He sounded so distance, unfeeling and _wrong_. It took me a moment to get past just the tone of his voice to understand what he had actually said. 

“What?” I breathed out, already feeling the tears I had barely been holding back threatening to fall. 

“I remembered who I am today,” he said, his voice still just as cold and bitter. “I’m not a man you should be around.” 

“You know that’s not true.” I made sure that, despite my shaking voice, my words came out as surely as I felt them in my heart, though I still didn’t have the courage to stand. “That’s not you, Muriel.”

"You don't really know that. You haven't seen what I'm capable of.” He looked ready to bolt, shoulders shaking and eyes constantly darting between the floor by his feet and the door just a few steps away. 

“What are you- Muriel, you are not-“

"You don't even remember!" His voice was malicious and dismissive, words cutting like a searing hot iron blade and _fuck_ it hurt. 

"How does that matter?" I’m shaking now, but not just from the cold I felt. For the first time, I think I was actually angry with him. “You told me what happened. I know who you _were_, and I love you all the same-"

"Shut up-"

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up." He flinched at my words, and no matter the circumstance, I still feel that twinge of guilt. But I was angry, tears flowing down my cheeks that he would see if he would just _look at me_. I finally stood, marching over to him, ready to violently take him into my arms and comfort him. Yes, I was pissed, but I couldn’t blame him. For years, he’d thought himself unredeemable, and though he’d been doing so much better lately, I can’t expect him to be perfectly fine all the time. 

I almost reach him when he stands up, towering over me instantly and, for the first time, intentionally using his height to try and intimidate me. I saw him widening his stance, flexing the muscles in his shoulders and straightening his posture to make him seem even larger. But that’s not what scared me. 

There was a genuine anger in his eyes, and I couldn't tell what they were aimed at. When he spoke, it’s so much softer than I expected, almost pleading if not for the seething undertone. 

“Get out.” 

“No.” I tried to sound as defiant as I felt, but even I could tell that it fell closer to desperate than it should have. I felt sick, a deep fear sinking it’s teeth into every part of me. _This couldn’t be happening . . . I couldn’t lose him, not like this . . . please gods not like this. _

Heavy streams of tears were flowing down my face now, and I was trembling so badly I thought I might collapse. 

"Just get out!” Muriel yelled, thunderous and tragically terrifying, “You don't belong here!" He moved closer to me, hurried steps and a too fast motion had me flinching away and falling back against the wall behind me, but he still kept walking towards me. Too quickly for my panicked brain to react, he was standing barely inches away from me, and every instinct I had was yelling at me to run, hide, just _get out_. My body tried to make itself as small as possible, shrinking away from what my stupid brain kept processing as a threat. 

His fist came slamming down on the tree trunk beside my head, and I couldn’t help the whimper that slipped out as I flinched away from him even further. "You don’t belong here, and I don't want-"

"Muriel,” I gasped as if suddenly remembering who exactly it was that my brain kept confusing for an enemy. He hesitated, the facade of rage faltering for only a second, but I saw the soul consuming fear behind it. Again, I felt like I could barely whisper out the words. “You're scaring me . . ."

I cautiously trailed my eyes up to his and barely catch the moment where he’s still fighting to keep up the act, but looking into my eyes must have been a breaking point. And he just . . . crumbles. His bottom lip starts trembling and his eyes fill with tears to match mine. 

"Fuck, I didn't- Gods I'm so sorry . . . Shit-” He started backing away from me, but for some reason that felt so much worse than when he was pressing closer against me. 

“No, please . . .” I whispered, struggling to reach out to him with how badly I’m still shaking. For a moment, he looked terrified, but he quickly stumbled back into my arms, leaning over to wrap his own shaking body tightly around mine. The tears started up all over again, heavy sobs and shuddering breaths and wet faces. Fear does terrible things to people, especially when they’re in love.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed against my shoulder. He kept mumbling and muttering the apologies until his voice got too quiet to hear. I shushed him, trying to calm my own breathing along with his as I ran my hands through his hair and down his neck. 

“It’s okay, angel,” I whispered, and another shaking breath left his lips as his arms wrapped impossibly tighter around me. 

“It’s not . . .” His heartbroken reply was muttered into my neck. “I hurt you.”

"You were just scared . . . It'll be okay, my love, I promise." There was so much that went unsaid between us, but it didn't feel like they needed saying. He was haunted by a past he couldn't forget, I was haunted by one I couldn't remember, but we can't let those pasts define us. 

Muriel was getting heavier in my arms, still trembling and letting out years of pain in the tears that seeped into my shirt, so I gently started walking us over to his bed. He fell back onto it, keeping me close and pulling me to straddle his lap. I didn't feel like I had the strength to pry myself away from him, but I knew that I needed him to see my face when I spoke. Slowly, I leaned back, his hands still clinging to the back of my shirt and my own moving to carefully hold his face. I needed to tell him so many things, but I found myself speechless when his teary eyes met mine. He looked so . . . fragile, broken and tearing himself apart even further. I was about to break, just fall into his arms and start crying again, when I felt my shirt sticking to my back, a warm, uncomfortable wetness seeping into the fabric. I panicked, carefully reaching behind me and taking Muriel's wrist in my hand and pulling it around so I could see the bloody, split open knuckles and already forming bruises. He quickly wrapped his other arm even further around me to compensate, looking off to the side as if ashamed of what he had done. I just sighed, using the hand still holding his cheek to bring his eyes back to mine. 

"Can I heal you?" He looked shocked that I would even offer, but he still softly nods his head. I hold his hand in both of mine, bringing it up and gently kissing just above his knuckles and letting my magic seep into his skin. He lets out a small gasp, the muscles beneath my lips stiffening for a moment before he relaxes again. 

"I-I shouldn't be so selfish . . ." he whispers shakily, but I just keep pressing kisses all along his hand, knowing I won't be satisfied until every little scrape is completely healed. "You deserve better."

"You can't think like that, Muriel," I said, setting his hand down in my lap and returning one of mine to his cheek to wipe away the few tears that had fallen. "I love you, I want to be here with you. Honestly, what scared me the most, I think, was the thought that . . . maybe, you didn't want me anymore."

"I-_shit_\- of course I do," he said, finally starting to sound a bit less shaken and more like himself as his now healed hand returned to my back, pressing soothingly against me. "I-" He struggled with himself for a moment, eyes nervously shifting from mine to the floor. Trying again, he couldn't seem to get past that first syllable, huffing out an annoyed groan. I'd told Muriel that I loved him countless times by now, and despite the fact that he and I both knew and understood that he loved me too, something in him just wouldn't let him say the words aloud. 

"It's okay, love-"

"No." He said, a new determination in his voice. "I . . . IloveyouandIjustwanttobeabletotellyouthateverydayfortherestofmylife." As he shoved out the words, he pulled me closer to him, burying his blushing face back into my neck. Like an exploding sun, my heart swelled with love and brought new, happier tears to my eyes. I had known it, but it was so much more powerful to hear it. A smile and the faintest laugh left me, though it must have sounded more like a gasp with the way Muriel pulled back, concerned eyes searching my face. My smile only widened when I saw him, and although he still looked a bit worried about the tears, the only thing I could focus on was his small, beautiful, hopeful smile. I have to kiss him, there was literally no other option. Its soft and sweet and tender and perfect and I need another and another and another. 

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he was my world, that I would wait forever and a day for him and not think twice about it, but I couldn't bring myself to break the peaceful silence that fell between us as I rested my forehead against his. I was sure he could feel it, feel just how much love I held for him in my heart that just kept overflowing and spilling out through the warmth of my magic that twined itself around us. He was my safe haven, my home, and though I may have to fight him on it, I wasn't leaving anytime soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iwantedtoseewhatwouldhappenifimadehimmadandihavenoregrets 
> 
> Part two is prolly gonna be makeup sex cause it’s like a necessity but i wanted to keep this moment sort of pure 
> 
> Also yes I did listen to lovely by Billie Eilish on repeat while writing and none of yall better judge me cause it's like the exact mood I needed to be in to write this


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So winter break is finally here and this is literally the first thing I slapped together as soon as I had enough free time. 
> 
> I’ve got a lot of stories I want to wrap up and a few new ones in the works, so, if all goes to plan, I’ll hopefully be posting a lot more frequently for the next month or so, we can say once or twice a week for now, until school starts up again and tries to kill my brain :)
> 
> Also, as usual, I didn't really edit this because I wanted to get it up quickly so bear with me until I have the energy to come back and correct any mistakes and probably write a better ending but I say that a lot and I have yet to actually change anything sooooooo

He felt so warm pressed against me. 

I could sit in his arms for hours, holding him as he holds me. A calm settled over us, a cool northern wind blowing away the suffocating heat of panic and fear. A different sort of warmth enveloped me now, softer and gentler. His hand, now cleaned of any blood, settled low on my back, the other tangling in my hair to keep my forehead pressed to his.   
  
There was still a tightness in my chest I couldn’t explain, but it didn’t stand a chance once Muriel opened his eyes and hesitantly peered into mine. 

”I’m sorry,” he whispered, the pain returning to his eyes for only a moment before I kissed them away, pressing my lips softly against his cheek. “I . . . I should never have reacted like . . . _that.”_ The hand at my back tightened its grip on my shirt, and his eyes flicked up to the wall behind us. “I didn’t mean to . . . go that far. I just thought that . . .”

I had a terrible feeling that I knew exactly what he was going to say, but I knew that this was something he needed to say aloud. So I waited, soothing hands holding his face and running through his hair. All at once, he looked relaxed and conflicted, struggling to understand what had seemed so clear to him at the time. 

"I thought that if I pushed you far enough . . . that you would see . . . but . . ." Fragile tears fell from his eyes again, and it seemed like he didn't have the energy to fight them. "I don’t want-”

His words flashed in my mind again._ You don’t belong here, and I don't want <strike>you he</strike>__<strike>re. I don't love you, I don't need you, I don't -</strike>_

“I don’t want to hurt you,” his shaking voice silenced my heartbroken thought. "That's what will happen . . . if you stay . . . I'll-" He pulled me impossibly closer, squeezing me tightly against him and tucking me onto his chest. "I love you too much, I can't- I can't lose you." I cried with him, too many emotions flying through my brain for me to really keep track. "It seemed better to end things before that could happen, but . . . when I saw how afraid you were . . . of _me_ . . .I-" 

"You did scare me, Muriel, but I could never be afraid of you. Those are two different things entirely." I sat up a bit, holding his face and looking into his eyes again. "I love you, more than anything, and nothing can change that." With a gentle quickness, he surged forward and kissed me, soft and desperate, and I let him take what he needed. Over and over he kissed me, until we were both breathless and craving more. Unable to help myself, I ground down gently on him, and he jumped slightly beneath me. 

"I need you . . ." He moaned, barely a breath. "I need to feel you, please-" 

"Whatever you need," I kissed him again, quick and passionate. "I'm yours, Muriel." With something like a sob, his hands dove beneath my top, not an ounce of hesitation as his fingers danced along my skin. I fell forward into him, a quiet moan falling from my lips as he seemed to caress every sensitive spot on my torso, kissing all along my neck and shoulder and whatever he could reach. Our clothes didn't last long, and soon his hands were trailing lower. 

"Muriel?" He immediately froze, wide eyes looking up at me with a hint of fear in them. I brought a comforting hand to his chest, giving him a reassuring smile. There was something I wanted to try. "I trust you." His eyebrows pulled together in confusion for a moment, but when I reached down to grab a scrap of fabric from the bed beside him and pulled it up to my eyes, I saw a flash of understanding and worry in his before the world went dark.

"Are- are you sure?" I just nodded and reached down for where his hands had stopped on my waist and guided them down to my thighs, continuing to grind down on his lap, desperate for that friction. He groaned low in my ear, pulling a gasp from me as his hands darted back to gently grab my ass and pull me down harder against him. I wanted to show him that he could never hurt me, that I trusted him even in my most vulnerable state, but damn, I hadn't anticipated how heigheted every touch would feel when I couldn't see them coming. The barest graze over my chest, a soft caress down my thigh, even just his breath on my skin sent a shiver down my spine. 

I wanted to ask for more, to beg him to grip me tighter and fuck me until I couldn't think, but I already felt like I couldn't breath and we had barely begun. He kept me so close to him that it felt like there wasn't an inch of my skin that wasn't touching his, a beautiful and comforting warmth seeping into my bones. 

"Can I keep going?" His voice was low and gravely in my ear, desperate and restrained, but I knew that wouldn't last long. 

"Please," I keened, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting him lift me up and turn us over. He cradled me in his arms so carefully, continuing to kiss down my neck, across my chest, lower . . . A moan jolted from my lips as his wide hands gripped high up on my thighs and spread them apart, not giving the cold air a chance to touch me before his mouth was at my entrance, gently prying with his tongue and pulling another moan from my lips. Wet fingers soon joined his tongue, sliding and stretching, every touch surprising and so much more overwhelming than usual, turning me into a whimpering, fidgeting mess. My hands flug about, gripping his hair, shoulder, the furs beneath me, whatever I could grasp. It was hard to tell when it started, but I began to beg him for more, harder, faster, please just- 

Cold, empty. I whined as he moved above me, his hands snaking under my back and pulling me to sit in his lap again. I could feel his hands trembling at my back, his erection painfully hard beneath me, and it seemed like neither of us could wait any longer.

He didn't pull me down roughly onto him, more so just held my hips steady as I let my body fall onto him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, to be full with him, surrounded by his warmth, but it was also breathtaking, every touch a fire on my skin. I desperately wanted to see his face, to watch him come apart with me, but I needed to prove this to him, to trust him with my entire person. For a while, just sitting there with each other seemed like enough, and he held my so tightly, I felt so safe there in his arms, that I couldn't want for anything more. 

That is, until he started to move beneath me, a gentle thrusting up of his hips that seemed to push him further and further into me each time. I clung desperately to him, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck again, each little moving stealing my breath and pushing little tumbling moans from my mouth. It was too much, not enough, I couldn't tell, but it was perfect. I didn't bother to stop the tears when they came again, tears of overwhelmed love and devotion that I felt too deeply to describe. 

I sobbed his name, burying my face on his chest and trying to catch my breath again, and even as he leaned down to kiss me, to slowly pry away the blindfold and kiss away the tears that had fallen, he never stopped moving inside of me. He only faltered slightly when I opened my eyes and stared up at him to see he had let a few tears of his own fall, but he quickly picked up his pace again, kissing me through smiling lips. I couldn't help but smile with him. 

“I love you,” I whispered, my hands grasping his shoulders as I began to move too. He let out a broken moan, keeping one arm wrapped around my back but moving the other to my hip to keep me steady. I felt every shuttered breath in his chest from how close I was to him, and I was sure he could feel my heart hammering away in mine.

It felt different, to have him like this. It was unbearably tender and raw, pure in a way I couldn’t describe, and I knew he could feel the love that wouldn’t stop flowing from my heart. I hadn’t stopped crying all night, neither had Muriel, but they had changed from fear to sadness to understanding to love, powerful and unchangeable love. 

“I love you,” he whispered back, kissing me through the words. “I love you, I love you, I love you . . .” His breath caught, and his eyes fluttered shut as his mouth fell open in a silent moan. 

I wiped his tears away, my hips starting to stutter and falter as I felt myself quickly approaching that edge, but his remained constant and gentle as he kept bucking up into me.   
  
“Muriel . . .” Whimpering and sweaty and shaking and overwhelmed with pleasure, I dug my fingers into his hair and held on tightly to him. “I- I love you . . . I’m-”

”I’ve got you.” His hand at my waist darted lower, caressing me and sending me tumbling even further into a deep ocean of pleasure. “I’m here.” 

“Don’t leave me-” It was barely a breath, but still desperately sad even to my own ears, and it brought a new level of tears to my eyes. I had no idea where it came from. Well, that’s a lie, I knew exactly where it had come from, but I had no idea why I said it out loud. To think that I had almost lost him forever . . .

”I won’t, I promise.” I felt his hips start to break their pattern, faster and a little more frantic. He was approaching the end with me, but all the while he kept his hand on me, making sure I felt his love and every once of pleasure he did. 

I clung to him through it, nearly shouting at the intensity of my release, and Muriel wasn’t far behind. I felt like crying all over again at just how much I _felt_ in that moment, how much love and hope and pleasure and peace all mixed together.   
  
“I promise.” 


End file.
